Pippin The Fruit
by Vana E
Summary: Pippin's lost his memory. Romance coz three lovely hobbit lass's come into the picture, and by all chances, they are Merry, Sam's and Pippin's future betroths. Eek, Poor poor Pippin. I am a terrible updater...tsk tsk (REVEIW)
1. The Fruity Hobbit

Ok, the muses came back from strike after I promised to give them chocolate. They were in such a good mood that they made me write a comedy…ME, of all people. This isn't normal but hey, what can you do.

**Summery:** Set somewhere between Bilbo's farewell party and the Fellowship, the hobbits are all so innocent. Pippin's lost his memory, shall I say more?

**Disclaimer:** Look…I DON'T OWN 'EM. Ok?

**Warning:** To all people with commonsense…this may be way to confusing. But isn't a parody, I'm not good enough for that yet.

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**1: The Fruity Hobbit**

What were they doing again? And why were they doing it? He thought long and hard as his slightly muddled brain took its time to reorganise itself, after the tumble they just took he was surprised that he was even conscious to think about…what were they doing again?

"Oi, Pip! Wake up!" He felt a hand shake his shoulder and he stared at him in surprise. He was here too?

"Hi there."

"Oh, so you are paying attention now." Merry shoved the carrots back into his sack and scrambled up, searching around for something before finding it and picking up another sack, this one completely empty. "Ah drat, there's a hole in it. That's a whole heap of work for nothing." He stuck his fist through the tear and glared down at Pippin who was still on the ground, looking around him blearily and very confused. What had happened?

"Hey, dreamer. You didn't check the sacks and now that's a whole heap of potatoes lost, mind you I think you have potatoes for brains sometimes." He dropped the glare and grinned, waiting for his cousin to complain in defence like usual. But he still sat there, looking around dumbly and rubbing his forehead where a pretty large lump had formed.

"Pip! Stop fooling and come on, we'll get the 'ol Gaffer to fix that up for you when we get there, if we get there. It's getting late Pip, we're going to miss out if we don't hurry. Come on!" He grabbed the young tween under the armpit and dragged him up, brushing off the bits of twigs and leaves that had stuck to his clothing when they had fallen down the hill after the raid on a stranger's farm. They hadn't known whom it belonged to and they didn't really care, all they knew was that their stomachs were empty, it was near suppertime and the farm had some nice things they could "borrow" for Frodo's birthday.

"Wh…what?" Pippin was confused and he showed it, pushing Merry away and eyeing him with curiosity, the fellow looked mighty funny to him for some reason and he smiled without really knowing what he was smiling at.  

"What's so funny?" Merry frowned as Pippin giggled.

"You are." The younger hobbit pointed at Merry and put his hand over his mouth, trying to hold in the laugh.

"Why?"

"Coz you look funny."

"What's so funny?" Merry asked again, checking himself to see if he had a mushroom planted on his forehead or something.

"You've got big feet."

"Well of course I do! You do too you know."

"I do?"

"See for yourself, silly Took."

"Ai! Get 'em off, get 'em off!" Pippin leaped to the ground and scrambled round on his back, pulling at his feet as though they could just pop off and continued screaming. "Get them off me! Get 'em off!"

Merry looked around worriedly, wondering if anyone was watching this show of strange behaviour but thankfully there was only a lone child crossing a nearby field, either not able to hear them or simply ignoring it.

"Come and stop this, Pip, you're not fooling anyone and it's late for supper. It'll all be gone by the time we get there and I want a taste of that cake they said they would make." He pulled the hobbit off the ground again and Pippin looked very bewildered, staring at Merry again like the mushroom that could've been on his forehead was now growing out of his ear.

"What's pip? Are you looking for watermelons?"

"Pippin."

"Is pippin a type of fruit?"

"Pippin!"

"Don't yell sir I only asked…what's your name then?"

"PIPPIN!"

"But that's a watermelon…"

"YOU are PIPPIN!"

"Oi! No need to shake me! So I'm a fruit, I thought so coz normal things don't have furry feet like this. Must be a new strain."

"Of course you're a fruit. You are the fruitiest person I know right now and you name is Pippin! You got that, PIPPIN!"

"So I'm a fruit named Pippin…well, at least we got that sorted out. Are you a fruit too?"

"PIPPIN!"

"Ah, another pippin. Nice to meet you."

"I'm Merry."

"Of course you are, aren't we all? In fact I feel very merry right now, I think I would dance if I wasn't a fruit…"

"My name is Merry. And you are Pippin, and you are NOT a fruit you dim-witted Took…just dim-witted."

"Took? But I took nothing…"

"AARRRRGGHHH!!!"

"What? Why are you tearing out your hair? I thought you need that if you are a fruit so you can grow…or is that the roots…do fruits have roots?"

"PIPPIN!!"

"I heard you first time. So I'm a fruit named Pippin, you are very merry and I took something…is that about right?"

"Oh for the love of…Pippin wake up!"

"OI! You didn't need to slap me, fruit hurts too you know!"

"I'm taking you to Bag End right now. That fall must've muddled your head pretty bad."

"Hey! I don't want to go in a bag!"

"Just come on."

"Can fruit walk? I don't know coz I think we bruise or…hey I CAN walk! Yippee, see Pippin the fruit walk! I am the first walking fruit!"

"PIPPIN!"

"I heard you before! So what happened about being merry? I thought…"

"AARRRGGHHH!!"

"Sir, you are going to go all bald if you keep doing that. Oh, dirt! YIPPEE!!"

"PIPPIN, NOOOO!"

TBC

A/N: Poor Poor Pippin. Can some people give me some ideas? I've got the next two chapters under wraps, but I need some PIPPIN adventures, hee hee.


	2. Ever Seen a Hobbit and Suds?

I am on such a high right now from, well, everything. I thank all who reviewed last chap and here's the next one, a little long but what can you do when you want to write all day. My dad's going psycho at me all the time, saying I need to learn Dutch and writing on the computer all day is not helping…if he takes away the computer, he takes away my life.

**Muse #2:** I can't see what the problem is, this is basically your future career ain't it?

**Muse #3:** But you DO sit up all night and type.

**HM:** Blame number 4

**Muse #4:** What'd I do now

**#2: **Made her dad mad

**Vana****:** Made my dad mad

**#3:** Made her…

**#4:** OK OK I get the picture, sheesh.

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Here's the story

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**2: Ever Seen a Hobbit and Suds?**

"FRODO! HELP!" The yell came from outside and three hobbits, 1 old and 2 younger ones, ran out into the garden to gawk at the sight.

Merry walked up the hill, or more correctly, Merry struggled and fell several times while walking up the hill dragging a big brown carry sack that seemed to be moving and jumping about on it's own accord. Merry's shadow and accomplice to many a crime was nowhere to be seen and all eyes went back to the sack as Merry puffed up, plonking it down on the ground and flopping alongside it.

"You called?" Frodo knelt down and poked the moving sack. A muffled squeak came from inside and he couldn't help but smile.

"Pippin?" He looked up at Merry and the hobbit nodded, but he wasn't smiling, in fact he looked unusually sour and the suddenly noticed dirt covering him from head to toe presented the fact that something was wrong.

"I popped him in the sack for his own safety."

"I thought you did it for a joke, like usual."

"This isn't like usual, Frodo. He's gone batty."

"Huh?" Frodo poked the sack again and the voice from inside sounded like Pippin, but the words he was saying made no sense whatsoever.

"Hey! Fruits bruise and I need to go and grow. If I don't there will be no more walking fruits and all pippins will be sad. He says he's merry but he chucks me in a bag after I told him I didn't want to and will you let the first walking fruit out, all pippin's need sunlight and water, and dirt of course or my hair won't take root…" he continued but they stopped listening, concentrating on Merry's story of what happened instead.

"I thought he was fooling around but it got weirder and weirder, than I just said the wrong things and he took it all literally. Then he got it into his head that maybe he was a new strain of fruit that had roots for hair and dived into the peat bog down on the field, between The Old Road and Hobbiton near the old lane. Took all my strength to pull him out again and then he pushed ME in, saying my 'roots wouldn't fall out if I grew them'. Nearly suffocated I did, and THEN he goes and empties my sack of well earned veggies saying 'Free, free now you can walk like fruits'. He is convinced he is a fruit, not Pippin like we know him. I think he's lost it, completely."

"I would say he's lost something, but not his mind as you would think it." The Gaffer knelt down next to the sack and proceeded to untie it, causing a mortified Merry to try and stop him.

"No! No you'll kill us all!"

"Never you mind about that Master Brandybuck, as I said before, I think he has lost something, and that might simply be his memory."

"His memory?" The three other hobbits echoed, even Sam, who had kept clear from Merry since he had arrived, he stank like high glory and he didn't want to get closer than need be.

"Yes, and unfortunately I think he lost more of it than would usually happen, so he has lost all sense of identity as a hobbit as well as basic knowledge of who he is and his past. You said he had a nasty bump Master Brandybuck? Well, I'll just have to check for my…AHH!"

Pippin leapt out of the loosened sack, landing nimbly in the garden and proceeded to snuffle around like a hog would, uprooting a few vegetables accidentally and putting them back, wrong way round of course, through his snuffles they could hear certain words that seemed to justify his actions.

"Got to put them in right…if roots are like hair than furry has to go into dirt…helps grow big and strong…oh, pretty flower…"

"Oh give us strength." Merry put his head in his hands and all watched dumfounded as Pippin continued to scurry with his head in the dirt, totally ignoring that fact he was tearing up the garden until Frodo came back to himself and looked around in dismay.

"Oh no, if Bilbo ever comes back and sees this he'll have a fit."

"Don't you worry Mister Frodo, I'll fix it up and it'll be as good as new before you can say…NO Pippin! Not the hyacinths!" Sam picked up the broom by the door and started whopping the poor little fruity hobbit with it, driving him away from his precious flowers and cornering him, threatening him with another whop if he so much as moved and inch.

All stared on amused, only an attack on the garden would get Samwise so wound up like this and it at least was keeping Pippin from any more trouble. And he stank.

"Aw Mister Merry, you'd better go inside and have a bath. You smell putrid, not meaning it in a disrespectful way of course, but…" The Gaffer held his nose to demonstrate the fact and Merry nodded, not feeling like arguing as he got up and smelled himself, scrunching up his nose in disgust.

"Uh, if you don't mind Merry. I would prefer it if we get you and Pippin rinsed off out here before I risk you coming inside, matter of pride you know." Frodo blushed and motioned to the pump, grabbing a bucket as they all trooped after him and Sam herding a muttering "pippin fruit" with his broom in the same direction with a face no one dared argue with.

10 minutes later, Merry and Pippin had been stripped down to their undergarments, both shivering in the front yard as the freezing water was poured over them but only Pippin was muttering words of thanks. Watering was good for fruits you know.

"Oh look! There's Sam and his father, and Frodo, and Merry and Pip…EEEK!" The shrill screech of three young female hobbits hiding their faces in their aprons sent Merry hurtling himself into the bushes, only Pippin stood openly in the yard and he grinned.

"Oooh what pretty little flowers." He was actually referring to the flowers on their dresses but the girls tentatively peeked out, thinking he was referring to them in person.

"Pippin, put this on." Frodo growled, shoving a towel at him with no response before he wrapped it around the hobbit himself, tying it securely round his waist as the girls came up closer.

"Hello Pippin." One said shyly, obviously trying to keep her eyes averted and obviously not succeeding.

"Hello Diamond." Frodo came in aid of the "fruit" and pushed him in the general direction of the door, all the while talking to young Diamond as if they were merely speaking of the weather, which they were.

"So, do you think autumn is upon us yet?"

"I wouldn't know, Frodo…why is he all wet and shivering out here, he should be inside having a warm bath if he has a cold like you say." 

"He fell in the mud." Frodo finalized it with a shove of Pippin into the Gaffer's arms, who then led him inside with promises of more watering to come.

Diamond just stared and went to sit on a bench outside the door, waiting for them to return, if they ever did.

"Where is he? I'm sure I saw him somewhere around here but now he's gone…ohh the stubbornness of that hobbit." Another hobbit lass was peering around the bushes, poking at shrubs and pulling aside branches of hedges, searching for someone and all could guess who it was.

"Ah, there you are…" The pleased sound of her voice turned to shocked scolding as she hauled the almost naked Merry out of the bushes by him arm, his face beat red with embarrassment at his vulnerable position.

"Meriadoc Brandybuck! What are you doing out here, in the cold breeze with naught but your cloths on. I would think you knew your health better than that if you wish to keep well enough for my pie tonight."

"Pie?" He perked up at the thought and suffered himself to be led inside by the female, all the while trying to keep his dignity by grabbing a towel of Frodo's extended arm and wrapping around his waist, whispering into his ear as he did so.

"I will get Pip back for this. I truly will."

"Now, now Merry. Don't you go and stand out here and chat all day. You need a hot bath and you will not leave this place until you have it, is that clear?"

"Yes, Estella." Was his meek reply and Frodo stared after him, a small smile playing on his lips.

"That Estella Bolger will be a try for him I wouldn't wonder, if they ever thought to be together that is hey Sam…Sam?" Frodo looked around for his departed friend and smiled again when he saw him leaning over the fence and obviously in a deep conversation with the last hobbit girl. 

"So will Rose for poor Sam. He simply has no idea what dragon's lair he is leading himself into, she can have a temper, mind you, and being her friend I am usually taking the brunt of it."

Frodo looked down at Diamond on the bench and sat next to her, smiling as she took something out of her basket and starting munching on it, an apple of all things.

"Er, Pippin may not be available tonight."

"Why not?" She looked surprised, and so did he when he realized she had finished off her first apple and was now on the second. When had that happened?

"He's too sick."

"He didn't look that sick when I saw him out…" she blushed at the memory, hiding her face as she finished the second apple and went onto the third. No wonder she and Pippin seemed to fit together, they had so much in common, like the bottomless pits that were their stomachs for instance.

"He is VERY sick, trust me on that."

"Oh the poor fruit, I'll have to feed him my soup."

"The poor what?"

"Fruit. I always call my patients that, it kind of…Frodo, why are you laughing?"

Frodo hiccupped on the laughs that were just bubbling up in his system before he lost it and fell off the bench, holding his stomach with the mirth that continued pouring from his mouth as he laughed and laughed.

"I swear Frodo, if I didn't know you better I'd almost say you are like all Bagginses. Mad. But as your friends are the same, with you all bathing out in the air, I will say it is merely a disease and will pass soon, my little fruit."

This was too much and Frodo started wheezing and coughing, he was laughing so much. But as Diamond scowled a little at his over exuberance and proceeded inside, her scream sobered him straight away and he popped up to the door, gaping at the site before him.

"But flowers need watering. He said so." Pippin was covered in nothing but suds and water and was holding an empty bucket, the contents of which were now all over Diamond in a sudsy fury.

She stood silent for a moment, simply standing in shock while Merry (now clothed), Estella and the Gaffer all peeked around a door timidly, waiting for her wrath as Sam and Rose came up behind Frodo and held their breath.

"Well." She said finally, picking at the hem of her soaked dress and frowning a little. "I can defiantly say this is a genuine Baggins' party. 'Only in Bag End', they say. Only in Bag End." And with that she snatched the bucket out of Pippin's hands, tipped it over and dumped it on his head, effectively trapping him deep inside as she walked calmly and sedately further into the hole, dripping all the way as she munched an apple and left her poor "fruit" to scream and punch at the bucket in an attempt to get the "night away".

It was then, and only then that the other two females realized he was still naked and squealed a little before being led away by their respective hobbit lads. This left Frodo and the Gaffer standing in the wet hallway, both with an exasperated look on their faces.

"Well, that was weird."

"Happy Birthday Frodo."

"Don't you worry about that, I'm sure I'll either be laughing my head off by tonight, either that or crying my eyes out. If my hole survives long enough with that "fruit", running about."

"I can only hope it will." The Gaffer replied before another scream startled them and they realized Pippin had unwittingly followed Diamond down the hall and by the sounds of it, was not making her very happy.

"Free! Be free and grow my little fruits so you can walk and run and play like me! FREEDOM!"

"PIPPIN! You give me back my apples NOW! Stop throwing them out the window PIPPIN!"

"You don't have a window back there, Frodo." The Gaffer scratched his head and followed Frodo running down the hall, the little guy waving his arms about and yelling at the top of his lungs.

"PIPPIN, GET AWAY FROM THE VENT. You'll clog the vent!!! PIPPIN!!!"

"Free, free, free…!"

TBC

A/N: Ok, now I'm stuck. I haven't got much of and idea what to do next. HEEEELLLLPPP!!! I again thank all for the reviews but I am hoping to involve some other ideas into this aswell. I'm thinking I'll take Pipsqueak's idea up, but not till later, this is Pippin's story at the moment, he's gone "fruity". Hee Hee.


	3. A Turn for Better and Worse

YAY!!! I finally got it done and it has been gruelling, what with the writers block I've had and all. Hee hee, I'm VERY happy about the amount of reviews I got for the last two chaps, even more than my long fic 'Two Strangers' at the same point (hint hint to go check it out? ;).) Anyway, MUST give thanks to all reviewers and will do so at the end of this chap. I dedicate this chap to my mum as the only one in my incredibly dull family to actually laugh at the idea, she also gave me the idea for Pippin's physical ailment…ye shall see.

**Disclaimer:** OWN NOTHING, nada, zip, nil, nix, zoint, the crumbs from my last meal so I you sue, crumbs is all you'll get. Hee hee.

**Summery:** Now, Pippin has lost his whole sense of identity. Add a wizard and a couple of paranoid hobbits, and you have a few problems. *grins*

Ok, here we go

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**3: A Turn for Better and Worse **

He mumbled and murmured and squirmed around, but no one was going to go over there and take him out of the sack, it was simply too dangerous for them, and for the hole.

"Are you sure he won't suffocate?" Diamond wiped the crumbs of the cake from her chin and peered over at the corner where they had popped the bagged Pippin. She looked sympathetic, and was confused when everyone else looked at her in horrified bemusement.

"You know what pity did last time, it's best if he stays there until we figure what to do." Frodo sighed and patted his stomach, leaning back into his chair and staring into the fire. The party had been pleasant enough, when they had finally stopped Pippin from trying to free every piece of food in the larder, and from trying to water EVERYTHING in the hole.

"Well, what ARE we to do?" Merry said after a moment's silence. "It is not like we can wave our hands and magically bring his memory back, that is more up Gandalf's line and even then I doubt it will work."

"Doubt what will work, young Brandybuck?"

"I doubt that…" Merry started rattling on again when he realized the voice had not belonged to any hobbit that was in that room at that moment and he turned, coming face to face with a belt. A belt tied round the grey robes of a very tall wizard who was now stooping to avoid the low beams.

"Um, Gandalf?"

"Yes Merry?"

"What are you doing here?"

"I came for Frodo's birthday, but I certainly was not expecting this…confusing arrangement. Why is our little Peregrin stuffed like a bunch of potatoes into a sack?" The wizard cocked his eyebrow and accepted a seat from the grinning host, Frodo pushing it up until it touched the back of Gandalf's knees and forced him to sit sharp.

"Umm…" Merry swivelled back around in his own chair and stared back at Pippin. The younger hobbit still hadn't stopped moving and he wondered where this ceaseless energy was coming from.

"He's cracked."  Estella said simply, her no nonsense tone bringing every other musing hobbit back to the here and now. 

"He's lost it," she continued. "And now we have no idea what to do with him." She got up from her chair, stirred the embers of the fire and sat down again all huffy like. No one, except her, missed the look of quiet amusement Merry shot in her direction. Was he infatuated? By oath he was.

"Ok, now we have that established, may someone please enlighten me as to HOW this happened?" Gandalf lit the pipe that came out of nowhere, but when his smoke rings stayed normal and the hobbits realized they were not going to be entertained by magic until they told him, they each told him a bit, concerning their own views of the situation.

"I popped him in the sack…" Merry started.

"We saw them in the garden…" said Rose, going bright red at the memory.

"He spilt hot water on me…"

"He totally soaked poor Diamond…" 

"He clogged my vent…"

"He ruined the garden…"

"He freed the food…"

"He freed the food…"

"He freed the food…"

"He freed…"

"Ok ok! I get the picture." Gandalf chuckled a little and sent a horse shaped smoke ring up to the ceiling, letting it gallop around for a while before it fled up the chimney. This pleased the hobbits immensely and Diamond clapped her hands together, watching with wide eyes as a rowboat came out and the little smoky figure inside it rowed around her head before joining the horse.

"Well," said Gandalf after a moment's silence. "I guess the only thing to do now is…talk to him. Try to jog that memory a bit."

"We have tried that. But it does no good, he's completely gone all fruity." Frodo sighed and walked over to the sack, prodding it lightly and sighing again as the same old dribble of words came out.

"Pippinfruit, come see me. If I can't see me because the light is gone does that mean I'm invisible? Oh goody, invisible fruit, walking talking invisible fruit come see pip watermelon oh goody. Sack is tight, ouch, sack is tight and no dirt, need dirt, water, air…ouch!"

"What in the world is he doing in there?" Merry leaned forward and tried to see individual movements in the sack but gave up, wincing every time a soft 'ouch' came from it.

"We have to check…later of course." Gandalf added, seeing the looks of disapproval from the hobbits that had spent far too much time with Pippin to not know what NOT to do.

"But, he's being hurt in there, maybe if..." Diamond clamped her mouth shut as Rose purposefully punched her in the arm, glaring hard to stop the rain of sympathy from overpowering better judgement. "But he can't breathe." She tried again, getting another glare from Rose before Frodo spoke up.

"I think she is right, he has spent rather a long time in that sack. If we keep a close eye on him I'm sure it will be ok...and don't worry Sam," Frodo added, seeing the look of worry from his friend, "I'm sure Bag End will be safe, Gandalf is here." He smiled at the wizard and a tension enveloped the room as Merry stood, making his way over to the sack.

"Pippin?" He whispered timidly. There was silence, but that actually was not a good thing, the movements had ceased as well. "Pip?" He tried again, prodding the sack lightly before jumping back in shock as a loud shout came from the bag.

"HEY! Stop it! What am I doing here? What's going on? HELLO!?" Everyone gasped, something was strange about this, and it was stranger than the strangeness that had been going on the last few hours. Strange.

Diamond put her small head in her arms, a headache forming from thinking too much.

"Let him out, Merry." Frodo, in all his Baggins wisdom gestured to the hobbit and Merry bit his lip as he knelt down next to the sack and untied it.

"It's about time!" A red faced Pippin scrambled half out and sat up, glaring heatedly at the others in the room until his eyes rested upon the wizard and his glare faltered, a little. "What's going on?" he growled as he scratched his head and winced, he had discovered something and so had the others.

"Oh Pippin!" Merry gasped, grabbing his cousin and checking his hair. "Why'd you go and do that?"

"Do what?" Pippin squinted at him and struggled completely out of the sack, losing his balance and falling in a heap on the ground, Merry dashing back to his side and hugging him tight.

"You're back you're back you're back you're ba…"

"MERRY!" Pippin was being strangled and he pushed his cousin off him, still touching his head tenderly and wondering why everyone was looking at him with mixed expressions of joy and apprehension, then he saw Diamond.

"Dimmy!" He got up and rushed at her, but then stopped and frowned, quite confused when she ran screaming out of the room and he was left to his own devices. "Huh?" he scratched his head again and this time let out a rather loud shout. "MY HAIR!!!"

"Oh Pippin…" Merry murmured as the hobbit ran out of the room, into the kitchen and straight into Sam who was coming out, a nice shiny saucepan in his hands.

"Mister Frodo, I…" Pippin didn't give him time to finish as he snatched the saucepan away and starting examining himself in it's reflection, checking the top of his head with woe.

"My hair, my hair…" He whimpered and all the others were in mixed emotional states. Rose was trying not to laugh, Estella was in better condition but her face was twitching from suppressing it, the Gaffer was doubled over and snorts of laughter were escaping his mouth, Frodo looked a cross between relieved and exasperated and Gandalf stayed stern and still with a small smile playing under his beard. Merry had left the room to find Diamond and all that left was Sam, who was absolutely oblivious to the changes that had occurred in the last few minutes and was thinking that Pippin had escaped and needed to be stopped again.

"For the Shire!" He yelled, coming up from behind the younger hobbit from the kitchen where he had crept after Pippin had pushed him aside.

"Sam! NO!" Frodo's call of warning was too late as the rather heavy frying pan came down onto Pippin's head, the poor hobbit swaying a little bit before dropping to the ground in a most undignified heap. Sam's grin of triumph was short lived as the others roared at him.

"What'd you do that for?" Yelled his father.

"He was getting normal!" Estella added.

"It was wearing off, he only wanted to check his hair!" Frodo joined in and Gandalf chuckled.

"Or lack thereof."

Rose didn't say a word, if anything she was looking with pity at Sam who was going red in face as he realized his mistake.

"Er…oops?" he stuttered, looking down at the unconscious figure at his feet.

"Yes…BIG oops!" Merry stood at the door with a rather large scowl on his face and Diamond peeping from behind, all wide eyed and innocent. "And I was thinking we could all have a nice _normal_ day for once. Then you go and knock him out…AGAIN!" He tapped his foot angrily. Diamond just made her way to Pippin's side and knelt next to him, stroking his head and frowning at the bald patches.

"Why would he pull his hair out?" She queried, looking at the wizard as though he had all the answers.

"I would not know, little one. But from what I have heard, he may have thought…hrmph," he hid the chuckle behind a cough "…that he was…pruning?" The wizard's smile was unmistakeable now and the others relaxed a little, all looking at Pippin as though he would wake up any second. Which, by the luck they had been having the last few hours, he did.

"Ohh, owey. Pippin has a very sore head…why?" he blinked and looked up at Diamond, she smiled and gently poked his nose.

"Sam gave you a rather hard knock on the head with a pan." Her smile was genuine, until…

Pippin grinned. "Ohh! Pretty flower needs a bit more water."

TBC

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Ha ha, will continue soon enough…if writers block does not return *shivers in dread*. Here are the thankyous for the reviews and all.

**Chap 1 Reviews:** Noname:-Kudos for the review, is DEFINITELY meant to be silly. Pipsqueak:-Merry lose his memory? The possibilities are astounding, but maybe later :). Xun Err:-He did get it back, kinda…but we shall see. Thanx for reviewing. Eriks-lil-rocker:-I used your idea in the second chap, absolutely priceless, thanx heaps. 

**Chap 2 Reviews:** Kori Lewis:-Thanx for the review, I'm not usually a "cute" person so this is weird for me :). Tesekian:-Is it really that funny? Wow, maybe I should do this more often. Ta mate. Xun Err:-Thanx again for reviewing, took your advice and waited and…well, here we are. Fool of a Took:-Here's your wish, you have more and ta for the positive look on the girls. ringspell:-Got your idea for this chap but I turned it around a bit, instead of Sam bringing it back, he's gone and done something a liiiiitle stupid. Lol.

Again, thanx for all reviews. The more I get the faster I write and the less I am able to get along with my father. Hee hee. Ta Ta


	4. Results of a Senseless Wizard

I worked long and hard on this chapter, if you can call two hours long and the fact I was half watching TV the whole time as well. Hee hee, anyway, this will be the last update for a while as my internet decided to crash and I've had to come back to the place in the city to do stuff, and they're closed on Christmas and I'm going on holiday. Hee hee, check this, I'm going to another town over yonder to see a LOTR marathon with B'Elanna (Check out her stuff, VERY good) and then I'm going to Dusseldorf Germany a few hours later so there's NADA sleep for me for nearly two days. Hee hee, I'm nutz.

**Disclaimer:** Oh how I wish I could own them, maybe if I get…no, kidnapping the Tolkien Society will do me no good. I will NEVER own them *sighs*.

**Summery:** Can you say "I hate Gandalf"? I sure did when I finished this chap, the guy really knows how abandon people at the wrong moments, tis a shame to be sure. Hee hee. Also get ready for hobbit jealousy. *grins*

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**4: Results of a Senseless Wizard**

Everyone froze in horror, Diamond jumped up quick and hid under the table before the hobbit could see where she went. Merry sighed and shook his head, just when his cousin was getting better; he'd gone fruity all over again.

"Gandalf…help?" Frodo pleaded with the wizard as the young hobbit proceeded in his exploration of the sitting room, coming too close to the fire at one point and nearly singing his eyebrows before an almost frantic Merry pulled him back, upsetting all balance and falling backwards over a chair. "Please?" he squeaked as the troublesome hobbit wriggled out of Merry's grip around his waist and almost knocked a rather old and precious vase off the sideboard. "Now?" Frodo's voice became so high-pitched that most hobbits in the room put their hands over their ears, torn between wanting to either physically silence Frodo, or knock out the young hobbit a third time who was causing him to hyperventilate.

"Gandalf?" the Gaffer pulled on the wizard's sleeve and was waved away briskly, swift puffs of smoke rising from the pipe as Gandalf thought deeply. Finally he spoke.

"I think you have a problem, Frodo." He looked seriously at the hobbit that was becoming white as a sheet as many more precious items of his became close to extinction.

"I have a problem? Of course I do, it's very obvious and what are YOU going to do about it?" Frodo stood in front of the wizard and put his hands on his hips, unfortunately the intimidation did not receive the desired response.

"I shall do nothing. There is nothing I CAN do anyhow and it may be best if I move along now and leave you to it." He then stood up and picked up his staff from where he had leaned it against the table. The hobbits were shocked.

"You're just going to leave us?" Rose gasped.

"With that?" Sam pointed to Pippin who struggling hard in Merry's arms once more.

"Alone?" Diamond peeked out from her haven under the table and screeched when Pippin spotted her and pulled out of Merry's grip, diving at her and making them both disappear under the table once more.

"Yes, I'm afraid so." Gandalf grunted as Diamond's annoyed voice sounded from her hidden position and Pippin simply giggled in response.

"Would you mind not…OW! PIPPIN!"

"But it's good if you prune."

"That's MY hair."

"And it's far too long, you won't grow if you don't…"

"Listen to me, I'm grown, I don't grow anymore…PERIOD!" 

"But…"

"Ow! PIPPIN!"

Gandalf swept out of the room as Diamond's voice rose several octaves and the table gave a big leap to the side.

"As I said," the wizard spoke swiftly as he grabbed his hat from the hat stand and Frodo and Sam followed him with big scowls on their faces, "I can do nothing here. You are on your own old friend, I'm sorry."

"And why is that, '_Old Friend'_?" Frodo looked furious at the wizard and Gandalf sensed it, turning around slowly with his hand still on the doorknob to the outside world.

"I should tell you Frodo, that if I stay much longer in this place in the same room as that Fruit, you won't have a Hole left once I'm through. I have little patience, and it has been worn threadbare with that…Took. That dratted Fool of a Took!" He glowered under his bushy eyebrows and Frodo sighed, his own angry look wiped clean from his face with the wizard's confession.

"'Fool of a Took'? I do hope he doesn't last too long like this for that name to stick. A new nickname will not be good for him after 'Pippin', 'Pip', 'Pips', 'Pipe', 'Fruit'…" A rather silly grin spread it's way across the hobbit's face as he counted off more names on his fingers. "…'Tooky', 'Trap', 'Fruit', 'Prop', 'Pippy', 'Fruit', 'Peregrinner', 'Fruit'…"

"You've said that a few times now Mister Frodo." Sam patted his master's shoulder and Frodo let the grin drop into a sensible smile, looking at Sam with thanks and then at the wizard with understanding. Gandalf just stayed still on the matter and turned the knob, ready to walk out the door and into the relative safety of the wild where the Fruit could not follow.

So far, the luck of the Hobbits was not following it's usual course of staying true, and Bad Luck decided to show it's ugly head once more for the umpteenth time that day. As Gandalf pulled the door open, not one of the three people noticed that there was a fourth and fifth standing directly behind them until it was too late.

"NO PIPPIN!!" Diamond's shrill voice made them nearly jump out of their skins and the last thing they saw before they were knocked off balance and turned around, was a blur in a blue coat dragging another blur in a dress out the door and down the path. No one reacted quickly enough to catch the blurs and they disappeared in the darkness, a strange sound of childish giggling mixed with yells of annoyance following them until that too was gone.

"Please, just…don't say it." Frodo put a hand to his head as Merry, Rose, Estella and the Gaffer came running into the hallway, all opening their mouths to say something before Sam shut them up with a look. But he hadn't directed the smouldering look at Rose and she felt it was safe to…

"Pippin's gone and kidnapped Diamond and he's got something else wrong with him now as he's not only fruity but a Baggins I swear because he's saying things such as 'I'm going to see the dragon' and things about dwarves and elves and wizards, no offence Gandalf, and he told us he was going to see it all and he needed to teach Diamond how to prune properly and we didn't know what he was doing till it was too late and I don't think you'd want to go into your living room right now as it's quite a mess because Pippin went drastic on us and…" She gasped and leaned over, her hands heavy on her knees as she drew in precious breaths of air. Sam gaped and gently rubbed her back, absolutely stunned about how much the hobbit girl could say before becoming close to suffocation. Gandalf just stayed put and frowned, all the hobbits soon looking from the still gasping Rose, up to him for guidance.

"I think you may have a problem." He finally said, putting his hat on his head and grabbing his staff firmly, making all the hobbits gape at him in amazement.

"You're still leaving? Even though we need you now more than ever?" The Gaffer stared at him wide eyed and his jaw dropped when the wizard nodded.

"Yes, so I bid you farewell." He waved his hand and stepped out, closing the door firmly behind him. The wizard had left them…alone.

"Of all the cheeky, non-wizard like sense of a mule with two legs and a headless wor…" Merry rambled before Estella slapped him gently over the back of the head.

"Now now, that's not very nice to talk about our Gandalf like that. Even though it is rather tempting to call him a 'Senseless No-Headed Worm'." She smiled at Merry and he blushed, suddenly becoming awkward in her presence. If the situation were not so dire, the rest of them would have joked and laughed about Merry's almost childlike crush on Estella, Sam's affection for Rose and Pippin's…er...yes.

"Well, lets get to work then." The Gaffer took charge as the oldest in the group and proceeded to don his coat, grabbing the others off the hooks and tossing them to Sam, Merry and Frodo.

"What about us?" Rose had recovered and was now tapping her foot impatiently, Estella copying her motions and both had sour looks on their faces.

"You stay here in case they come back." Frodo shrugged on his coat and did up the buttons, before grabbing his walking stick and opening the door.

"Oh, it's just because we're female isn't it." Estella didn't look too happy and Merry put his hand on her shoulder.

"No, not really. But it's dark out and I don't think it's very safe for two pretty girls to go wondering around where almost anything can happen. I'd feel much better if you stayed in the warm hole and waited until we come back, maybe you can make some more of that delicious pie as I'm sure Frodo here has enough supplies for it." Meriadoc Brandybuck's natural charm, not one other in the Shire possessed it and when he used it to the full; he nearly always got what he wanted. Females were no exception.

"Oh, if you say so." Estella smiled sweetly and Rose ducked her head, the charm having been directed at her too and she was trying to hide the blush spreading across her cheeks.

The four-hobbit search party then set out, wandering down the path and reaching the main road before Sam called a halt and proceeded to set a glaring match with Merry.

"You keep you eyes off her, Merry!"

"What did I do now?"

"You know what I'm talking about."

"No, I don't really."

"You were…moving in on Rosey."

"Was not."

"Was too."

"Was not."

"Was too!"

"Was not!"

"Was TOO!"

"NOT!"

"TOO!"

"Hush boys, you will raise the whole of Hobbiton at this rate. I swear those lasses have heard you anyway." The Gaffer got the expected response and the two ceased arguing, becoming red-faced at the prospect that Estella and Rose could have heard them and resorted to fierce, silent glares instead.

Frodo snickered quietly as they continued and he whispered to the older hobbit. "You know, I think I'd rather stay a bachelor, it's far less complicated."

The Gaffer laughed softly and they continued to walk, keeping their eyes open for any sign of the now "Baggins" Fruit and a supposedly kidnapped hobbit lass. But their thoughts continued to wander, Diamond didn't look too upset and she hadn't resisted that much when Pippin had run out with her. It was quite confusing and Merry and Sam pushed it out of their minds, going back to the glaring game in full force.

"Did not." Merry whispered.

"Did too." Sam hissed softly.

"Not."

"Too."

"Not."

"Too!"

"Not!"

"T…"

"Oh will you two just shut it!"

"Sorry."

"Yes, sorry."

They glared again but couldn't keep their mouths shut.

"Did."

"Did'nt."

"Did."

"Did'nt."

"Did."

And it continued…all night long.

TBC

* * * *

More ideas? I'm getting this all from other people and it REALLY helps lift my writers block…a LOT!!! Anyway, a friend of mine was going through a tiff or something with me and we had this argument…it is used in this story as I thought it to be quite appropriate for what is to come *giggles innocently*.

Tesekian: I'll NEVER be rid of you, you haunt my every Pippin steps and it is WONDERFUL, thanx tons for reviewing. The Soup Nazis: Interesting name, pray tell me where you got it from as I'm also thinking of changing my name, my real name that is, hee hee, thanx for the review. pippin28: Cute hey? Cool, am thinking of making it cuter later on, any ideas? Lol, thanx for reviewing. And CHEERS TO ALL THAT READ.

Ta ta and REVIEW!!!!!! 


	5. Jealousy Reigns

I put it off for so long, but Christmas came, went, drifted into a new year and vanished. It was so fast that I had no idea time was really passing until now, and I realised that people actually want to read this…if you get me. Anyway, check the AN of Chap 12 of 'Two Strangers' to see what I've been up to over the last few weeks, it saves time. *grins*. Also, damn Plot Bunny (Muse #2) bit me REALLY hard and now I'm currently working on a complex project, writing my first ever crossover. Star Trek and LOTR, but it's not based on the Fellowship and all, already got a story like that thankyou very much. Anyway, it's so complex and so long that it's taking up a lot of energy and time so my future update may not be very frequent, but I'll try. (At this rate, I'll end up like Minka, she has TONS of unfinished stories…but she is really good at writing, I'm just mediocre.)

**Disclaimer:** Can't own 'em, won't own them, can't buy them and can't steal 'em. In other words, they ain't mine.

**Summery:** I couldn't help it, I had to continue the tiff between those jealous hobbits, it was simply not going to leave me alone and..well, it's funny. *gives cheesy grin*

* * * *

**5: Jealousy Reigns**

They walked clear over Hobbiton, knocking on doors and asking anyone they came across if they had seen a partially bald Fruity hobbit with a girl in his possession, possibly trying her hardest to get away from a 'pruning session'. There were nothing but dead ends and more than one hobbit slammed the door in their faces, frightened for the four hobbits' sanity.

Finally, at about midnight Merry threw down his walking stick, flopping down on the grass growing on the side of the road next to a field they had been searching in. "This is going nowhere." He groaned, rubbing his sore feet and back. Losing Pippin had been the worst thing that could ever happen to him, and walking for nearly 5 hours non-stop was definitely NOT something he would like to repeat anytime in the future.

"Ok, so we accept that we have officially lost the Fruit and poor Diamond forever?" Sam glowered at Merry and the other hobbit was about to make a sharp retort when the Gaffer piped up.

"I've been wondering about the 'poor Diamond' situation, and I do not think she was entirely upset at leaving with young Pip. She might not have had much choice in the matter but…well, she didn't put up much of a fight neither." He let the words hang and a sudden realization came over the remaining three hobbits, and it wasn't very reassuring.

"Maybe…" Merry started, not continuing until he had everyone's attention. "…the 'Fruit' is contagious and now Dimmy has caught it too."

"Oh that's just stupid, no one with half a mind would say that." Sam snorted with disdain and Merry turned a whole new shade of red, Frodo and the Gaffer took a step backwards in wise foresight for what was to come.

"You saying I have half a mind?" Merry growled.

"You said it, not me." Sam crossed his arms and smiled innocently.

"Take it back."

"Take what back?"

"I'm NOT mindless!"

"Never said you were."

"Did so!"

"Did not!"

"Did so!"

"Did not!"

"So!"

"Not!"

"SO!"

"NOT!"

"SO!"

Merry snapped and leapt at Sam, pulling him to the ground as they rolled around in a full hand to hand fight. Frodo darted forward to try and stop his two close friends from killing one another but was held back by the older hobbit, the Gaffer shaking his head and sitting calmly on the verge while pulling Frodo gently down next to him.

"No need, they will wear out soon enough."

Frodo sighed and nodded in agreement. "But 'soon' may not come quick enough," he winced as Merry's fist made firm contact with Sam's jaw, "they might kill each other in seconds."

"It is quite amusing how jealousy can do this to two usually good friends." The Gaffer smiled and chewed unconsciously on a piece of straw.

"Amusing?" Frodo stared at him in disbelief. "Pippin is gone, Merry and Sam are at each other's throats…I won't have a friend left by the time this night is over."

"You have me."

"Yes, but you're old."

"And you aren't?" the Gaffer quirked an eyebrow and Frodo laughed.

"Ok ok, you win. But we need to find Pippin, and those two are NOT helping." He waved his hand towards the fighting hobbits and became silent, trying to pinpoint exactly who was saying what.

"You're just jealous!"

"Am not! You started it!"

"Did not! OW!"

"You deserved that."

"Oh really?"

"Ow! Stop it!"

"Make me!"

"Ok!"

There was a screech and Merry suddenly rolled away down a hill that the two fighters had conveniently been moving towards, landing at the bottom with a small 'thud'. Sam was on his hands and knees looking after him with quite a dumbstruck look on his face.

"Er, oops?"

"That's your second 'oops' this night alone, Samwise. Will there be many more to come?" The Gaffer had lost his humour and was now frowning heavily upon his son. Sam blushed red and stood up, dusting of his clothes and tenderly touching his bruised face, his left eye swelling up and a split lip finishing the look of someone that had been on the losing end.

"That really hurt!" Merry's voice called out from the bottom of the hill. Frodo looked carefully over the edge and couldn't help but laugh. If Sam looked bad, then Merry was _much_ worse. He crawled over the lip of the hill and sat heavily on the ground, also checking himself for injuries as well as trying to keep his pride intact after the fall. "I'm glad I still have my memory though," he called out finally, "this was the same way Pip lost his."

"On that point," Frodo sighed, "shouldn't we be focussing on the main reason we are out here on a cold night, miles from home and _very_ tired?" He looked disapprovingly at Sam and Merry, but couldn't help quirk a smile when the Gaffer got the two to face each other and shake hands. They were hesitant and eyed each other suspiciously, before they quickly shook and murmured.

"You started it."

"Did not."

"Did…"

"Quit it or I'll box both your ears." The Gaffer growled and Sam winced, obviously knowing his father very well.

"Truce?" Frodo called, still keeping his distance in case another fight ensued.     

"Truce." Merry and Sam agreed, keeping their glare to a minimal glance every now and then as they limped down the road after Frodo and the Gaffer.

"Well," Said Sam after a short while, "we are still no closer to finding that Fruit than we were at the beginning of all this."

"Maybe he cut cross country?" Merry suggested, trying to keep his end of the bargain by not defending his cousin, even if the silly young tween was a serious handful much of the time.

"Oh."  Sam was speechless, for the first time the Brandybuck had actually said something sensible, no one else had thought of this. Frodo looked thoughtful for a minute before he spoke his part.

"If that is the case, I think we should head back to Bag End and stock up before we start looking again. There isn't much more we can do tonight anyhow…"

"What! And abandon my cousin out here in the dark?" The truce was forgotten.

"He's my cousin too, Merry." Frodo pointed out.

"Twice removed, he's more my cousin than anyone else here."

"Then why didn't you look after him better? If you did, we wouldn't be in this mess now would we?"

Sam merely blinked as Merry scowled at him, before turning his back to him, facing Frodo instead. "What about Diamond?"

 "As I said before," the Gaffer grunted, "I do not think she may have been as unwilling as we are all making her out to be."

"You mean, she might have _wanted_ to run off with Pippin?" Merry asked, as if he had never truly heard the gardener in the first place…which he hadn't, being so involved with Sam and all.

"No, meaning she not have been as unwilling as WE may have thought. It may have seemed like a grand, yet reluctant adventure on her part."

"How do you know this?" Sam looked at his father suspiciously.

"_You_ were out in the hall, Diamond stopped really complaining almost as soon as you left. There was quite a conversation happening though, you should have heard it."

"Oh yes," Merry brightened up, remembering what had happened himself, "Pippin started telling little stories about dragons' gold and exciting places to be, just like where Bilbo went. Very interesting to be sure."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" Sam's face had gone red, no one noticed Frodo edging away again.

"Because you didn't ask." Merry retorted, any resurrection of the truce having gone out the window…or into it, depending on which side you were of window at the time or…moving on.

"I didn't _know_ I had to ask, no one told me to ask!"

"Then someone should have told you that you should have asked that someone tell you about it." Merry put his hands on his hips and glared at the stout hobbit.

"NO one did!"

"The don't blame me!"

"I didn't, _someone_ should have simply told me!"

"No one told Frodo either."

"That's besides the point!"

"Is not."

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is…"

Sam's and Merry's cry of pain ceased the bickering and they held their ears, Sam his right and Merry his left, whimpering under the Gaffer's glowering look.

"I told you before, and I'll tell you again. I will box your ears if you keep that up!"

Frodo couldn't help laughing; it was then that the rest realized that he had moved quite a considerable distance away and was now leaning against a tree, a full 10 metres from them.

"What are you doing all the way over there?" Merry queried and Frodo laughed, but didn't move from his current position.

"If I am ever stuck with you two for a long amount of time, I would like to get into practice of keeping my distance thank you very much." He grinned at the stunned looks on his two friend's faces, the Gaffer simply smiled knowingly.

"What do you mean, Mister Frodo?"

"Yes, what have we done?"

This sent the hobbit going again and Sam and Merry simply looked at each other worriedly.

"He's as mad as his uncle." Merry whispered.

"If not worse." Sam agreed. And with that they all continued, not really knowing what to do next but checking the trees and bushes anyway, hoping to find some sign of the two travelling hobbits.

The first sign of hope came only about 15 minutes later when Merry gave a shout and held something up.

"What is it, Merry?" the Gaffer came up and laughed, taking the object out of the hobbit's hands and passing it too Frodo. Who then laughed as well, leaving Sam in the total dark as to what the big joke was.

"What's going on?" He squinted his eyes as Frodo handed the thing in question to him, before a big grin came over his face. "Oh, trust that Fruit and Diamond's stomach!" He laughed with the others; Merry was the only one not laughing.

In Sam's hand lay an apple, a full red one with an inscription on the side carved out with either a nail or stick. 'Pippin Fruit (then a little heart) Dimmy'. Merry was more worried about the fact that the apple hadn't been touched in any other way, such as being eaten, if only partially. He knew that Diamond always kept spare apples in her pockets, just in case, and he knew that only she or Pippin could of scratched that message as they were the only others that knew he was 'Fruity'. But an untouched apple could only mean one thing.

"We have to find them soon!" He pulled heavily on Frodo's sleeve, causing the hobbit to stop laughing and look at him with concern.

"Why the urgency, Merry?"

Merry bit his lip and whispered his answer into Frodo's ear. Instead of getting the same worry from him as he held for his young cousin, he got another round of laughter. He glowered at Frodo. "It's not funny."

"Oh but it is, he won't starve you know." Frodo bit his lip to stop laughing too hard, tiredness and too much happening in one day was getting to him and laughter was becoming too easy to do now.

"But you don't know Pippin. He can forget food for a while if he has too much on his mind, which is very rare, but when the hunger hits him later…the consequences can be catastrophic." His worry strained face silenced the laughter and suddenly it hit them all.

"The 'Food Stores'!" They all shouted simultaneously and then started to run, back in the direction of Hobbiton and the hopefully unscathed Food Stores on the East-Side. They also knew that if Pippin was hungry, Diamond would be ravenous, they were too much alike.

"Oh…help." Merry puffed, praying to some higher power to help them out of this mess. The whole of Hobbiton would be upon them if the Stores were touched; such were the ways of these strange hobbits, unlike the sane ones back in Buckland where he felt he should have stayed. Then this would never have happened, and he would be asleep…at home. "Oh help".

TBC

OK!!! Now for official thanks for reviews.

**Tesekian****: I wasn't meaning to offend, I love being haunted by people who review, gives me a sense of being wanted *muses sigh and wonder about Vana's mind*. Thanks for reviewing and enjoy it all, CHEERS.**

**Lady Baggins of the Shire: *Vana gives her a sedative and hopes for the best*. Ah, a Merry lover! I will try to send that kiss to him, will try my darn hardest and hopefully you will get a return. THANKS HEAPS FOR REVIEWING!!!**

**The Pen-Nameless Girl: After this chapter, I don't know if Diamond's ringlets will even exist after a while. Hee hee. Madness is good, it gives way for more madness and opens a total other realm of madness, in other words…it's mad. *laughs* Anyway, thanks for reviewing, it's a charm to be sure.**

**Sarah: Glad you think it's hilarious, I was hoping for that effect as I'm usually so serious. Thanks so much for reviewing, it really gives me a lift.**

**Ithildin****: Though not really being an official review, it still cheered me to know that you read it. Thanks so much for reviewing, it made my day.**

Anyway, this chapter is my longest yet, but I will try to shorten the following ones a bit because if they get too long, I'll never get them down. A sneak peak into the next chap is this: Rose and Estella talk. Won't give you much more than this, because this is where real sweet romance comes into the picture. A little butter for your bread.

Ta ta


	6. Poking Logic

Authors Note: I know I know I KNOW!!! I am unforgivably late with this chapter, as I am with my other fics too…but there a few factors and they all come down to three things. College, Language barriers (am trying to learn Dutch, German, French _and_ Greek) and the fact I had to wait for about 2 months before I got glasses…yippee no headaches anymore!! So I was actually struggling with writing this chapter, the glasses are meant to help me with my work on the comp and reduce eye-strain...and they do work, the fact they cost me 200 Euros and that is basically a month and a half of Student pension down the drain, means that they were worth it. Oh…I also work full time in a factory now…it wipes me out, egh. My muses have been complete flimsy pests lately as well so inspiration seems to centre on personal memoirs and Life Stories…argh I could really HURT them!! This Chapter is really short, but the next one WILL be longer and will come out sooner as I already have quite a bit written up. Hopefully then I will be saved from flying sharp objects directed at me from readers and such…BLAME COLLEGE!!! Also, my comp has had a type of blockade which prevents me from accessing email, interactive sites and…of course…uploading stories and doing my own website. Blast it!!! Chapter Responses:  
  


Pimpernel: Oh I DID hate Gandalf in that chapter…and usually I simply worship the wise old Maiar, guess I was a liiiiddle too high on me sugar that day. Thanks for reviewing and PLEASE forgives mesa…I am SO sorry. *does a puppydog look*   
  


ds: Oh thank you SO much. To get appreciation like that really gives one a boost. I'll try and sic these chapters out faster for you now and jeez I am bad…very bad…never thought it would take 5 bleedin months to update.

C. Jack: *snickers* oh please…not the Fondu Pot story! *laughs and hugs* I miss you heaps ye know and thanks for reviewing…oh…and to all others…Jack here…AKA Bob, is a really good friend currently living a few thousand km away from mesa…I miss him heaps and really need to write to him or I will lose my head or limb I know. If anyone wants to know the story behind the Fondu Pot…just ask Bob through me. *hugs again* Still on Arwen (Liv)? OK…I think I may be able to get a picture of her from Orli if I get to Mexico somehow…erk…oh well. You are SO stuck on her I SWEAR!!!

Mary: Aww thanks for reviewing…cute and Charming? Well well, I shall do my best to keep it that way *snickers and envisions a usually charming Sam in a rough tumble with Merry* heh…charming indeed.

Sarah: *hides* Meep! I do apologise profusely yet again…but am VERY happy this makes you laugh, tis was mine aim after all *winks*.

TheirCoolMom: I'm writing I'm writing I'm WRITING!!! *sweats and pants* Oh please give an overworked gal a breath…and review again?

Raven: *stares* er…girl…you need to finish that book asap…Strider is knocking on MY door now and Muse #4 is being…nice *shudders* help? Thanks for reviewing…will chat sometime soon!

ari: oh thank you muchos…funny is the best way to describe this and I'm glad you think so too…gives my ego a little boost *puffs her chest up* I'd like to thank my mum, my dad, my 8 brothers and sisters, my numerous cousins and my grandma for NOT helping with this…no offence, but you aren't nutty enough. *smiles*

Lady Baggins of the Shire: Oh WOW! I LOVE your review…it made ME laugh just by reading. And seeing as I still live with my parents, they had a good laugh too and I am chuffed like you won't believe. And Pen is your cousin? Whew…need to work on my social skill before I have you too banging down my door…how's her expresso going? 

Oddwen: *is now a blushing mess* You don't have any idea what reviews do to me…I am so happy. I just wish I got so many on my longer NON-Mary Sue story *weeps a little* Why don't people ever read past the first chapter?

Pen-Nameless Girl: OK…you and your cousin are nuts!! Care to come over? And yes…more Merry and Sam coming right up and..aww…a bit of romance too. The very looong awaited romance. *sighs* I'm a hopeless writer.

frodolives14: Aw thanks…reviews like this are even better…makes me feel real warm and fuzzy. Thankyou tons…hope you forgive me…really….um…please?

Tesekian: Ah my loyal reviewer..I bet you have forgotten about me huh. So SO sorry…I really am…oh jeez I really need a life. Please forgive me and review again sometime…am looking forward to it all the time…luv ya. Thanks.

Sooo many reviews…and long reviews are even better *huge hint wink*. And for some completely shamless plugs…check out my other stories too? I need some reviews to boost my confidence and to push past my writers block…critique is always welcome, just no flaming please…I can respect critique but not flames.  
  
Onto story…  
  
  
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**6: Poking Logic**  
  
Estella Bolger and Rose Cotton pottered about the hole at Bag End, not really doing much except cleaning up a few dishes and tidying up things strewn around from Pippin's rampage. Once that was all done, Rose had resorted to dusting all the shelves while Estella baked another two pies for the return of the search party. Once they were cooked and cooling, the two then started cleaning up the various bedrooms and closets and any other corner they may have found to be 'lacking in the female touch' until there wasn't a spot to be seen and some things were so shiny they were blinding. And only two hours had passed.   
  
"Well, what now?" Rose held a cloth and was unnecessarily wiping at an unseen spot on the mantelpiece, while at the same time trying to win a staring match with Estella…and losing.  
  
"I don't know," replied the other hobbit lass, "they should be back shortly though and I know Merry would never pass up the opportunity for fresh plum pie."  
  
"He really likes you, you know." Rose giggled as Estella blushed.  
  
"Sam likes you too as well." She pointed out, making Rose turn pink in turn.  
  
She pouted. "Ella, don't make fun. I was being serious."  
  
"So was I." Was the reply and the younger hobbit turned heel, walking over to the stool near the fireplace and sitting and poking the embers with vengeance. Rose simply smiled shyly and went to the round window, trying to see out into the darkness.  
  
"The stars sure are bright tonight." She sighed, sitting on the window seat and leaning her chin on her hand.  
  
Estella smiled knowingly. "All the better to see him with."  
  
"Sam won't be seen unless he…" Rose stopped and looked at her friend's grinning face with wide eyes. "Not meaning Sam is what I would call…I mean, he isn't…er…"  
  
"Face it, Rose. You like him and he likes you, all you need to do now is wait for your coming of age and…"  
  
"_Estella_!" Rose half whined and half shouted at the other hobbit, her face going beet red till it looked like it would burst.  
  
The other merely gave a simple shrug and let her knowing smile say it all…that Rose was smitten. "Look, all you have to do is approach him, say something sweet and you'll have the lad wrapped round your little finger." She wiggled her own in the air for emphasis and if one thought that red was where blushing ended, they surely had not met Rose. She was positively glowing.  
  
"Estella please." She ground out through clenched teeth. "Yes he is a pleasant enough fellow and he has quite the taste for my father's ale, but that is no opening for…for…getting together so called. So will you simply drop it?" Rose glared at the back of her friend's head and waited for an answer, sighing in defeat when she only got one word.  
  
"No."  
  
"For crying out…" She huffed and got up from her window seat, stomping over to the archway that led into the kitchen. Estella stayed where she was, pretending to be absorbed in the attention needed chore of poking the fire occasionally while she listened to her friend potter about the kitchen. It was such a chore to poke that she didn't even look up when Rose returned, munching on a piece of their pie and sipping a hot cup of freshly made tea. She had figured out by then that if one were to poke a fireplace properly enough, the job would be done better and more thorough than if one simply poked it haphazardly. It was logical, a certain angle and the poking would make sure the flame was bigger, brighter and warmer. Poking fires was a delicate chore…  
  
"Right! That's it, I'm going after those boys before I lose my mind completely!" After finding that fire poking had a logic, Estella figured it was time to do something else before she went batty. "Do you want to come or stay here?" She asked Rose as she dusted herself off and cleaned up the mess her 'Poking Logic' had made on the hearth.  
  
The other promptly dumped her pie and tea on the table and grinned, walking briskly to the arch that led to the hall. "Thought you'd never ask…I was almost on the verge of having my fourth slice there in complete boredom."  
  
"Fourth??" The younger hobbit stopped in surprised and stared at Rose, slight shocked etched on her face.  
The other grinned. "Aye. What else could I do with my time?"  
  
"True." Ella nodded in agreement and rushed to grab her cloak. "Egh, the sooner we get out of this stuffy Hole the better…who knows what trouble those lads got themselves into."  
  
"The Gaffer will know what to do…and Frodo of course." Rose said, tying the string of her own cloak carefully round her neck.  
  
"Yes, but what happens if they fall down a hill or something and get hurt. Us females can help then."  
  
"Do you really think they would really fall down a hill?" Rose asked, as she opened the door and waited for Estella to grab the small pack of supplies she had packed hastily.  
  
"Knowing Merry…yes."  
  
"Ahh." Rose nodded and with that, they were out the door and down the laneway.   
Rescuing the lads was an important thing and _far_ more logical than poking a fire…though, Estella thought to herself, maybe if they could invent a longer poke and changed the stone within the hearth…then maybe… She shook her head and mentally slapped herself; at this rate she'd soon be finding logic in how to eat an apple while walking on your hands. Boredom was not an easy thing to conquer…especially with fire logic…  
  
"Argh!!" She threw her arms up in frustration and started stomping her feet. Rose looked worried.  
  
"What is it, Ella?"  
  
She sighed. "Poking logic."  
  
"Pardon?" Rose blinked in confusion.  
  
"Oh…nothing."  
  
The other hobbit just narrowed her eyes and kept walking, eyeing the road ahead of them as they tried to see in the dark.  
They walked in silence for a while before one spoke up. "Rose?"  
  
"Yes, Ella?"  
  
"You like Sam, don't you."  
  
"_Estella_!!"  
  
  
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"I refuse to go another step further!"  
  
"But Sam, we must reach the stores before they are ransacked by…"  
  
"Your cousin," Sam interrupted, poking at the ground with his walking stick, "which is why I refuse to go any further. He's more hopeless to control than a trail vine in spring after a rainy day."  
  
"But…"  
  
"I said NO!" the stout hobbit gave the ground a hard poke and lay back where he flopped, no longer caring about the dust on his clothes since the rough tumble back with Merry. Another rough tumble seemed to be coming up rather shortly as Merry was _still_ defending Pippin.   
  
"Frodo!" Merry whined, turning to the hobbit at the head of the group, who was now conversing animatedly to a bush. Merry blinked. "Frodo?"  
The older hobbit simply did not hear him, or he had reached that point of pure mindlessness that he had actually forgotten the method of speech and it's practice. Either way, it was a perfect moment for someone to yell 'Just like his Uncle! Cracked he was!'  
  
"Mr Frodo?" Sam had now sat up again and was staring at his master worriedly, still poking his stick into the ground and developing quite a nice and deep rut. The rhythmic movement was giving Merry an eye-twitch. "Mr Frodo," he tried again, "are you okay there?"  
  
When the hobbit yet again did not answer, Sam rose and promptly started marching over, Merry quick on his heels. When the other hobbit started feeling like he was some strange half-haired dog trotting after his master he fell back, trying to look more sedate and composed as they warily approached the still yabbering Birthday Hobbit.  
  
"…so we says to the young 'un, 'do you remember anything at all?' and all he does for a reply is throw dirt at us and nearly uproot the Hole!" Frodo chuckled and Sam was about to tap him on the shoulder when the bush laughed in response.  
After the days events, Pippin and his fruitiness and the apparent encroaching insanity upon his master Frodo, this new development of laughing bushes was enough to send Sam screeching and he jumped backwards, crashing into Merry directly behind and sending them both down with their cloaks tangled about them.  
  
"Omph!"  
  
"Oh get off!"  
  
"Me get off? Who weighs like they eat cranberry pies all day?"  
  
"I do not eat all day, you chimney of a hobbit!"  
  
"Hey!"  
  
But even as Merry's fist came flying in direct aim towards Sam's face for the insult about his love of the Weed, duel cries of pain rang through the air and the two scrambled up quickly.  
  
"Father…" Sam stuttered and held his throbbing ear, Merry doing the same.  
  
"I told you once, I told you twice," the Gaffer was frowning at them, "and I will tell you a third time that if you keep this up, you'll get a box in the ears. Next time I'm stringing you up by them!" He gave the now red-faced hobbits a final glare before nodding and striding over to Frodo who had been merely watching the whole exchange with a wry look of amusement on his face.  
  
Sam and Merry watched him go, the former hobbit poking at the ground once again with his stick.  
  
"If you do that once more…I'll string you up by the ears meself." Merry growled, his eye twitching madly.  
  
Sam looked up, then back down at the stick, then smiled.  
  
"Oh really now." He dug another rut in the packed ground.  
  
"Sam…"  
  
"Yes, dear Meriadoc?" the smile turned angelic.  
  
"Do…not…poke!"  
  
"Oh…really?" The stick made the groove even bigger and Merry lunged.

"So, Fredegar, what brings you out so late at…SAMWISE GAMGEE AND MERIADOC BRANDYBUCK!!!"  
  
Frodo sat down on the verge and smiled sideways at the bush. "Watch, they'll have red ears for months after the Gaffer gets through with them." The bush moved in agreement and muffled sounds of glee came from within. Frodo tilted his head. "Aye…they are indeed lovesick and jealous hobbits...poor them, I'm definitely never getting married as long as the Gaffer's around…I like my ears this colour thank you very much." He watched some more and winced at a couple of the Gaffer's swings. "And I wonder what set them off this time?" he said, poking at the ground diligently with his walking stick and wondering if the hole could be made bigger if he pushed it further in this way, or that way…maybe a different angle…?

  
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Far away, yet not as far as what many were thinking, as these two hobbit lasses argued about the merits of liking hobbit lads and not liking them mingled in with the power of Poking, along with a brawling duo and talking bushes, a farmer was outside inspecting his personal garden and scratching his head in confusion. His dogs had woken him up and now he was just trying to figure out what in the world had happened.

"Why in blazes are my flowers on their heads?"

  
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Tbc…

  
AN: *whimpers* Review? If I get up to 60 reviews and at least two more on at least one of my other fics, I will update Two Strangers yesterday and this one a week ago. Savvy? *bows and does a Jack grin* Sorry…am a liiiitle hooked on PotC, seeing as I already knew too much about it prior to March anyway and have been learning all the lines since a month ago and it only came out last week here and I have seen it twice already...JOHNNY DEPP!! Jeez guys if you haven't seen Pirates of the Caribbean yet…ye GODS go see it, you'll be laughing till the cows' grandkids come home…and Johnny Depp will make sure the jokes go on forever and a new way of walking and speech will become a trend. *chuckles*   
(ps: This is a repost of the chapter…grammer corrections made and certain mix ups solved…crud to my own comp, I'm at a Net Café as a last resort…bloody expensive ye know)


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